A Change in Lenses

I have to be honest with you.

It’s time for me to come clean.

My prescription has changed.

Back in January my lenses were translucent. I saw you and the world around me with such clarity.

My world was in hyper-color.

As cancer robbed me of my physicality, my sense of normalcy, and tested my emotional stability- you started to glow.

As I was deprived of my senses-I was also on sensory overload.

Even in my darkest moments- I saw you dancing in the sunlight.

The more challenging obstacles were met with visual overstimulation.

You were beautiful.

I was counting the months, the days, the weeks, the moments- where I would eventually be able to emerge from the shadows and join you in hyper-color.

And now- here we are- 8 months post treatment- and you are still glowing-but not all the time.

I still see you with incredible clarity and disarming translucence.

But on some days you are more sepia toned- more muted.

Seeing the world in hyper-color was not sustainable and perhaps is no longer is necessary.

If I were still in hyper-color, I would still feel robbed.

I no longer feel as if something was taken.

Instead I feel I was given the greatest gift.

I now have moments in hype color.

It is those moments-that remind me of my journey- that remind me that I am alive- that remind me of how much I have to be grateful for.

Seeing the world through hyper-color lenses, allowed me to learn what it means to live a life elevated by trauma, elevated by hardship, elevated by suffering.

It is the muted and glowing moments- it is the change in prescription- it is the glimpses of hype-color that show me that I am healing.