“I Don’t Fold”
Ebonie Michelle
Chicago, IL
Survivor
Twist on Cancer: I plunged into a tempest of fear, shame, and blinding, burning rage. I was paralyzed—trapped in a suffocating web of my own doubt and sorrow. I took the long, unforgiving walk down memory lane, interrogating every choice I had ever made, every harm I might have caused, from childhood to womanhood. I convinced myself that my own missteps had somehow cursed me, that this illness was a cosmic reckoning. I had counseled so many women who felt this exact same way—who believed they were looking karma in the face—yet I freely offered them the grace I ruthlessly withheld from the woman staring back at me in the mirror. But the crucible of this disease taught me a profound truth: even from the bruised, scarred, and most broken corners of the earth, the rarest beauties can bloom, nourished by nothing more than hope. My journey was not a wasteland. You will never hear me say I am glad I was diagnosed with cancer, but I will fiercely admit that it forced upon me a grace and a piercing clarity that the deafening rush of everyday life never could. In the quiet of my healing, I finally understood my mother, who surrendered her life to breast cancer two decades before my own diagnosis. I finally understood my father, whose choices once felt so cold, so dismissive of a daughter yearning to be close to her fading mother. I realize now that he knew. He knew that his wife—the only woman he would ever love, who held his heart until his own passing just eight months ago—was slipping from this realm. His voice could never form the words, but I truly believe his heart broke under the weight of a truth he could not utter. For years, I moved through life blind to my own beauty. I could glimpse the breathtaking possibilities and beauty in the lives of others, yet I could never recognize them within myself. Brushes with Cancer changed everything. Working with Lori was an excavation of my spirit and soul. Her empathy, the sheer artistry of her heart long before she ever picked up a brush, and the vibrant connection we shared swept away the last tangled cobwebs of my painful memories. She helped release the lingering vestiges of anger I carried—not only for my mother’s fate, but the crushing weight of my own. Seeing the woman I have become reflected back at me—in the orbs, the paintings, and our deeply shared conversations—has altered my life, my outlook, and my hopes for the future. It has transformed me in an organic way that will forever uplift me, ensuring that my voice and my value will never again be crushed. Instead, I rise as an unapologetic advocate for every woman destined to walk this harrowing path. This experience has woven a rich, unyielding texture into my existence, bringing me boundless joy and the gift of an extraordinary woman who will stand by my side for life. My very existence has been changed. There are simply not enough words of gratitude to capture what I will carry in my heart for the next 53 years—because yes, I am living until I am 100.
Loretta Mangano
Exeter, NH
“I Don’t Fold”
Artist Statement: Before I ever had a conversation with Ebonie, I kept having an image of a pinky-peach colored rose, which Ebonie later confirmed she always loved, especially the ones with orange tips. Peach colored roses represent gratitude, which is a constant theme for Ebonie.
As with all roses, for every petal, there is a thorn. Roses remind us that beauty often accompanies pain, love comes with vulnerability, joy and sorrow grow from the same stem. One of the petals on the left resembles an ear, as Ebonie heard and listened to the voice of her mother (who had passed away from breast cancer) telling her, “check your breasts.” Her mother is her North Star, as Ebonie is for her children. Spirits and souls on both sides of the veil are supporting Ebonie and all of us, whose voices and guidance are clear if we only listen.
The orange tips become flames of a Phoenix rising, because Ebonie has triumphed over so many challenges in her life, as she stated, “in choosing life, we have to sometimes walk through the fire.” The Phoenix rises only when it has completed a cycle of life and is willing to embrace the flames. The crown represents the royalty and sovereignty and power that Ebonie has come into through this experience in her life.
Many doors were closed to Ebonie during this journey as she sought support, so with her strong spirit and determination, she opened her own door, shining a light for all women; a triple jaguar represents her spirit animal showing her the many lives she has triumphed in one lifetime so far, that she is a teacher for many, and the name of her business, Prowl the Lab. On the door is Re3; her business is devoted to Educate, Empower, and Elevate others.
The tree and its roots represent Ebonie’s love for and devotion to her husband, children, and family, who are her strength. The butterfly is a personal symbol for Ebonie and her husband as well as, along with the Phoenix, a symbol of transformation emerging from her roots.
Ebonie is truly an inspiration, a soul sister, and a shining light for many. The twinkle in her eye and smile on her lips comes from one of Ebonie‘s remarks, “I want to put the twinkle back in women’s eyes and see them smile again,” and also represents her own hope, resilience, and intuitive vision.
The title of this piece, I Don’t Fold, are Ebonie‘s words that echoed through several of our conversations. “Many times I was faced with the choice to either fold or fight, and I don’t fold.”
I am so grateful for having made a lifetime friend in Ebonie, and for the honor to paint her story.
After it was completed, the life of the painting came out of the painting and into the world. I see it everywhere. Colors, shapes, symbols, all of it. The energy of Ebonie is everywhere
Ebonie’s message:
Believe in yourself. Remind yourself of the powerful agency no one can take from you. Don’t lose faith or become disillusioned. God has brought you this far and will not leave you. Hang in there and know there’s a reason and a vision that God has for you.