“Look Deeper”
Vanessa Hein
Bismark, ND
@vheindesign
Indolent systemic mastocytosis (ISM)
Twist: It was a long and difficult road to getting a diagnosis of SM. I had been experiencing symptoms for over ten years, but only received an official diagnosis just over two years ago. For many years, I searched for answers, asking questions and hoping someone would help me connect the dots. Eventually, I gave up. I convinced myself that maybe what I was experiencing was just “normal”—for everyone.
I tried to ignore the fact that I never truly felt right. Even I started to think I sounded crazy when I listed all my symptoms together.
When I finally got my diagnosis, I was overwhelmed with mixed emotions. On one hand, I finally had a name for what I was experiencing. On the other, I knew that everything from this point forward would be a challenge. I felt incredibly low.
That’s when I came across this program and decided to apply. Meeting Emma—and allowing myself to open up and talk about what I was going through—turned out to be the best kind of therapy. Slowly, I began to accept my diagnosis. I realized I didn’t want it to consume me anymore.
It’s a part of me, but it doesn’t define me.
Through this journey, I’ve learned that it’s okay to put myself first once in a while. And that acceptance doesn’t mean giving up—it means giving myself the grace to move forward.
Emma Lyons
Chicago, IL
www.EmmaLyonsArt.com
@EmmaLyonsArt
“Look Deeper”
Acrylic
30” x 24” x 1.5”
$750
Artist Statement: This painting can be interpreted from both directions. You get to choose how you see my inspiration, Vanessa, through this artwork.
Upon reading it from the back layer to the front layer:
Vanessa’s life before her symptoms and diagnosis had its ups and downs, its vibrant days and its dull days, but those were subtle compared to her life with Systemic Mastocytosis. This first layer is all one shade of pink (her favorite color) with ridges left from purposefully uneven paintbrush strokes.
And then the second layer comes crashing in: Vanessa described her experience with SM as extremes of hot and cold. Some days, she could live life similar to her “before”, but other days every single aspect of living somehow now irritated and attacked her body.
This was the layer she was experiencing when we first met. She was overworked with all the responsibilities from her job, always quietly putting others’ needs before her own, and wasn’t sure, even after 2 years with her diagnosis, how to effectively care for herself, because each day was different.
It’s so easy to empathize with having to take life’s punches day by day because we can’t see the light on the other side, isn’t it?
But then comes the third layer. In the duration of this program, I have gotten to see in real time a transformation in Vanessa: she said “yes” to putting her needs first, quit her high-stress job, and joined the same company as her husband so she could be in a space to receive additional help in her daily life. Now, she said she feels like she’s floating effortlessly. She rewrote her story from one of unsure chaos to one that, even amidst her bad days, feels so free and easy.
And upon reading it from the front layer to the back layer:
What you see now in my inspiration Vanessa is peace and flow. She gives of herself from a place of rest and abundance, and it’s easy to get lost in her tranquility.
But look deeper.
She has worked for this peace. She has shifted her life and put her health at the forefront. And she’s had to, because living with SM has thrown her life into a chaotic journey with no set path that she has to take day by day.
But look deeper.
Because Systemic Mastocytosis doesn’t define who she is. Vanessa gets to decide that for herself.